I have this little practice that I implemented a few years ago where I wake up each morning around 5 o’clock, enjoy my cup of coffee in the quiet house, spend a little time with my thoughts and do a little writing. It gives me a little time to just be and invariably has me moving into my day with a heightened sense of calm and appreciation. I recently wrote about the importance of positivity and appreciation in our approach to challenges. In this week’s blog I take a little time to explore the benefits of taking the time to be grateful for what we have, and to share about some of the simple things in my life that I am grateful for.
The neuroscience of gratitude. There have been a number of studies done to determine the benefits of taking the time to be grateful and the importance of sharing the gratitude we feel towards one another. These studies have shown that gratitude stimulates optimism, connectedness, trust, self worth, brain functioning, innovation and increased productivity. These studies have measured brain activity to verify these benefits but even without the findings of these studies it stands to reason that these are the natural outcomes. I know that when I take the time to think about what I am grateful for it makes me feel good, puts me more in tune with myself, and makes me more optimistic. When someone else shares their gratitude with me it makes me feel more connected, appreciated, and certainly gives me a boost in productivity and self esteem. With all these benefits why wouldn’t we schedule regular time to feel and show gratitude. It’s good for our brains.
What am I grateful for? I imagine we all have things in our lives that we are thankful for. Sometimes we just have to slow down and look past the challenges in our lives to remember all those things that we are thankful for. Here are a few of mine:
My professional life. I am very fortunate to have found my way to a career that is satisfying and that I feel I am called to. My shift from litigating divorces to mediating was long in the making but has delivered me to a place where I can come into work each day and best help the families I work with. My work brings me happiness, and helps me to provide for my family. My assistant Brianna, makes my office a pleasant and productive place to be for me and the couples who walk through the door. I am thankful to all of you who place your trust in me and allow me to do what I do.
My personal life. My Dad taught me through his words and his actions the importance of family. He worked long hours and would often not get home until late in the evening, and despite this, our family’s practice was always to sit down together at the dinner table upon his return. We often had dinner late but I could count on every night getting that time together at the dinner table. I am grateful for all of my family relationships, including the connections I have with my Mother, my brothers and sisters and their families. I am grateful for my Wife and our ever deepening relationship. I am thankful for our children who are now adults and with whom I get to do less parenting and more building adult relationships with. Whatever shapes our families take on, they can be a good starting place for our thankfulness.
Friends. Where would I be without my friends? I have managed to gather a number of treasured friendships along the way. In a few weeks I get to spend a weekend with a group of my childhood friends. I am working on a project with an out of town friend that I get to spend a weekly Zoom call with. I have a number of relationships that began as professional connections that have grown into friendships. I have old law school buddies that have become close friends. I experience a lot of fulfillment and happiness from these friendships and am so thankful for all these little connections I have been able to develop and maintain over the years.
The other simple things. A couple years back I was having some pretty serious issues with my vision and I found out that I had developed cataracts. They had been coming on slowly over the years and had finally gotten to the point where my vision was extremely blurred. Anyway, I went and had the surgery done to both of my eyes and when finished my vision was completely restored. I was suddenly grateful for the simple act of being able to see clearly. I gained joy from being able to read road signs as they passed by, to be able to recognize somebody across the room, and to actually see the stars again.
I confess that there are a number of simple things that will make me smile or bring me to tears. Watching my dog stretch out, roll onto his back and put his paws into the air. Butterflies flitting around in the bushes in my backyard. Getting up into the mountains for a hike or camping. Sitting on my surfboard at sunset and looking shoreward at the silhouettes of the palm trees. Picking a just ripe peach or apricot from my fruit trees. Watching a hummingbird dab its long tongue into the nectar of the hummingbird feeder. Sitting in a quiet place with a good book. Driving alone in a car and turning a good song that comes on up real loud.
All too often we get caught up in the busy-ness of life and we forget about remembering the things that we are and should be thankful for. Practicing gratitude doesn’t take much time. You can just take a moment each morning to remember those things you are grateful for. Why wouldn’t we engage in a practice with so many fringe benefits for our brains? While we are at it, it is even a more valuable practice to share our gratitude with others. I am pretty grateful and appreciative of this life I find myself living. I probably don’t share my gratitude with others as much as I should. For those of you reading this, thank you for taking the time to do so and for whatever gifts you may have otherwise bestowed upon me. Through whatever challenges we must navigate on our journey through life, taking the time to be thankful for what we have can bring nothing but goodness to our experience.