(619) 425-8613 [email protected]

Divorce and Diving In.

by | Mar 29, 2024 | Divorce

I had a swimming class in high school which was my very first class of the day.  We were supposed to dive in and swim a couple of warm up laps then meet the instructor at one side of the pool where the class would begin.  The water was cold so each morning I would arrive at that place where I really did not want to take that first plunge into the cold pool.  I would dip my toe into the cold water which just made it worse.  I would do some stretching or anything else I could think of to delay the inevitable.  Once I finally got myself to do it there would be that momentary shock of hitting the water but it would quickly subside as I started swimming.  This was a daily struggle.  This week’s blog grapples with the all too many times I have stalled, fretted, and even dipped my toe in a time or two before diving into something I knew I needed to do.  I imagine I am not the only one who has had to stop myself from agonizing and procrastinating and just get myself to move forward.  Almost inevitably, upon finally taking action the dread of doing so was always much worse than the actual doing.


The Mental Tug-of-WarEach time I arrived at the pool’s edge I knew what I needed to do.  It was a foregone conclusion that in a couple of minutes I would be in the pool waiting for the class to begin.  I would tell myself that.  The other part of me needed persuading each morning.  It was that little part of me that held out hope that maybe if I stalled long enough I wouldn’t have to jump in and experience the shock of the cold.  There was no truth to it but there was that part of me, each morning, needing to be convinced to just jump in.  I was not the only one.  I saw my classmates fidgeting, toe dipping, and aimlessly stretching and then stalling.


The Diving InAll of this fretting and delaying ends when the rational part of us finally compels us to take the plunge.  We experience that momentary shock, and then we settle in.   I have the same issue swimming at the beach.  I get into the water somewhere up to between my midsection and knees, and dread that final part of the submerging.  I can’t bring myself to do it.  When I finally do, the shock is only for a moment and I know this.  Still, it is a struggle each time.  


Apprehension and ActualityIn looking back there have been so many times that the waiting, fretting and apprehension of the upcoming task has been far worse than the task itself.  Life would have been so much easier if I could have just cut out the lag time spent procrastinating and stewing before diving into all those things I tried to put off doing.  

Divorce and Diving InI am not saying divorce is like diving into a swimming pool.  This blog is not about making the decision to divorce.  It is about when the divorce decision has been made and you are standing poolside dreading the shock of diving in.  Dipping your toe in or feigning stretching to delay the inevitable extends the misery and you are much better off bypassing all of that and simply jumping in.  Sure, it will be a shock but the dread of the cold water that is waiting is much worse than it is when you finally make the plunge..